Thoughts for a Rainy Day

Supposedly, Oregonians don't use umbrellas. I think that this is both ridiculous and untrue. I have been a resident of Oregon for the whole course of my natural life, so far, and I will at times resort to the use of an umbrella, preferring to use a tool that allows me to arrive at my destination dry and comfortable rather than acting like I think I'm hardcore and arriving wet and shaking and angry at the population of Oregon for 'not using umbrellas.' My personal umbrella is blue, a very comforting color when you are trying to avoid rainfall and water in general, and it has a rain flap on the top, just like you would find with a tent, only its on my umbrella and if it didn't have it, there would be a hole in the top. As ingenious as this design may be... I have a small problem with the general structure of these rain guards. While placing the handle in the middle is wonderfully symmetrical and satisfies our eye, it makes zero sense. How many times have you tried to hide under an umbrella (assuming you are not an Oregonian, because Oregonians don't use umbrellas), and been snubbed by the handle that jumps in your way? It would make eons more sense if the handle was off to one side and the actual umbrella part shot out and away from the handle so that you could seek cover under it without getting into a closely proximated argument with the handle. Also, all umbrellas should look like a Dr. Seuss creation, jagged edges and all, to help with our fashion sense as we hide from the rain. Perhaps if they did look like a Dr. Seuss illustration, Oregonians would start using them...