Christianity is a Four Letter Word 2nd Edition

People look at me and question my devotion to Christ because I am revolutionary, because I swear, and I get mad at God. Sometimes I swear at God. But wasn't Christ a revolutionist while on this earth? Didn't he plead with God, and cry to God, and more than likely, get angry with God? And yes, Jesus did get angry. You might recall a little incident where he got a bull whip out and laid into some money making fiends. He also chaffed at earthly authority, especially that of the church. Actually, come to think of it, he disliked church authority more than he disliked government authority. Didn't he tell us to render unto Caeser what is Caesar's, Caeser here being government (because Caeser was government, back in the day)? At the same time he was making fools out of the pharisees. Let's just get something straight here, the pharisees were the head honchos in the church. They weren't like Muslims or anything. They were pretty much the equivalent of our pastors. This is not a pastor bashing blog nor have I set out to offend anyone. The point I am trying to make is that following Christ does not just have one appearance. Jesus' apostles came from every walk of life. A fisherman and a tax collector... didn't see those working out. Not only did they come from every different background, they came from every different belief system. Paul was an atheist. John was a Jew. On top of this, every single one of the people who followed Christ in the bible, followed him in a different way. Thomas needed solid evidential proof that the man he was looking at was living, while John was close to him in a brotherly fashion. And why did they follow him?

We will never know for sure, but I like to think it was because Jesus' claims were revolutionary. I have spent so many years trying to disregard the part of me that feels so rebellious. Now I realize, that that part of me is the reason I believe in Christ in the first place. "I believe in Christ's teaching because it is the most revolutionary thing I've ever encountered." (Paraphrase from Donald Miller, Blue Like Jazz). I recently watched a movie called Road to Terabithia. It is the saddest movie I have ever seen, I do not recommend it. But there was a line in there that stuck out to me and has stuck with me. A young hippie girl said to the children of staunch church goers, "You have to believe in that stuff, and you hate it. I don't have to, and I think it's beautiful." That is so freeing to me! I don't have to believe the way I do! And to realize that is to have the exact reaction that she expresses. I think it's so beautiful. It is more than beautiful, and there simply aren't words for me to express what it looks like to me. But it's something along those general lines.

The older I get, the more I realize I just don't buy a lot of the things I used to. Like when I am faced with horrible chemically induced depression, to treat it as though I simply don't have enough faith. I wonder why I had depression in the first place! (I want to note that these are not things I got from my parents, because that is the immediate assumption. My parents are the most amazing, gracious people I know.) Or when I am faced with basic emotional suffering to simply say, "Lay it as the feet of Jesus!" I may be guilty of offending a lot of people, but bull shit. It's not going to change the way things are. More importantly, these are probably not things that God wants to have changed. I believe that we are faced with trials to make us stronger people. It is not God's job to wrap us up in a fluffy blanket and if you feel uncomfortable sometimes, it's probably what needs to happen. I don't want to be harsh about suffering, because I've been there and I know it is horrendous. I may again be guilty of making a lot of people think I'm going to hell, but I think that Buddhism has that aspect of humanity pegged. Suffering is put in our way to make us stronger and we should accept it and learn to live with it, in a practical life lesson type way, not meeting it with despair, and by no means cutting God off from the process, but with maturity and knowing that we suffer for a reason.

I know I have strayed away from my point a little. All I'm trying to convey is that as a Christ follower, I want to be guilty of being the most accepting and gracious person around. I want to be able to listen to and discuss so many ideas, from any belief system, from any political view point. I want to be on the revolutionary front lines of abolishing labels of any kind. I don't call myself a Christian because it has become a label. I am a non-religious Christ follower. More than anything, I want to see each individual as worth knowing and going out of my way for, simply because they are human.

(Sorry this is so long, please bear with me:)

Over the last few months, ever since I took the big life step of moving out of my parents house, I have had to come face to face with some ugly life realities. It has shaken me in a sense, but only to chip away at my pride a little bit more. It has given me a clearer glimpse of what it means to truly follow Christ. It has given me practical application, rather than a list of principles, which is lovely, but doesn't amount to jack unless it is put to good use in your life. As I sit here thinking about these experiences, I am suddenly faced with Christ in my own life. My first shelter away from home was an apartment out in the woods, 10 minutes out of town and rather secluded, living alone for the first time in my life. It was miserable. But immediately, I had a very dear friend reach out to me and touch me with Christ's love. I don't even think she realized how she touched me (perhaps I should tell her), but she effected my life in such a powerful way, simply by letting Christ use her to get me through a very difficult transition.

There were two options that were immediately available to me after moving out of my home of 19 years. The first was to stay comfortable in associating with mostly Christians and not ever encounter the really ugly things in life, staying very close with a set group of people. Or... I could “man up” in a sense to life and its messiness, branching out and being non-exclusive in my friendships. Because of past experiences, which is another story for another time, I chose the later, making friends with random people, regardless of their personal habits and preferences. I don't really have words to express the experience it has been for me. I have met some of the most incredible people, who bless me and teach me about myself in a profound way. But I also have to sit by and watch people destroy their lives, without being able to say anything, except to beg them to call me for a ride when they get wasted rather than driving home themselves. It is hard to love someone who doesn't love you back, who doesn't want to be loved. But I'm pretty sure that's what Jesus did, and therefore we are called to do the same.

My parents had a surprising reaction to me driving my friends home from the bar at 2am. I thought they would be indifferent and assume, as I did, that that is just what friends do. But they told me repeatedly that they were so proud of me, that they loved the person I was becoming. This led to an interesting discussion about what it means to be Christ like. The most beautiful moments that I see in Christ's life are the moments in which he gets down on his knees to wash a sinner's feet, for no reason other than to bless another individual's life. We don't have much opportunity to do this sort of thing, because we wear shoes these days, but the principle is evident. Being like Christ means being a servant, it means being willing to sacrifice something of ourselves, even if it is just our pride, to be a help to another person, another beautiful creation of God's. I don't want you to think I am tooting my own horn, because I want to be very wary of pride. But being Christ like is doing something ridiculous, like getting up at 2am when you'd rather be sleeping, for the benefit of another person.

I never in a million years would have expected life to bring me where I am. I bought a pregnancy test for a friend the other day and sat by as she took it, ready to hold her and cry with her if necessary. And I truly believe that it is in these little things that Christ is using me to touch another person. It really makes it a whole lot simpler if looked at in that light. Just be a good friend, and Christ will reach through you to effect another person's life. Pretty cool, if you ask me.

Here is the conclusion that I am forced to, through other's and my own experiences: beliefs, unfortunately, are not that important. You can believe something with all your heart and mind powers, but until it starts to dictate the way you live and the decisions you make, it isn't worth shit. Principles are beautiful, but are really pretty useless unless they are rock solid in your own life. This is what following Christ means to me: allowing His actions while he walked on this earth dictate the way you live your life, specifically the way you treat others, even in the petty interactions of the day to day. It is in the small things that we see Christ, in the clothing of the naked, in the feeding of the poor, in the purchase of a pregnancy test, in a simple, kind word when the rest of your day is terrible, dirty, rotten, and no good. This is what sets us apart, to be able to face the nitty gritty, without compromising our principles as they apply to our own lives, and give up ourselves for the sake of someone else... Just as Christ did for us.