Trapped!

In this phantom that we call reality, there are real scares, and surreal scare. When you lay in your bed at night, afraid to move because you know as soon as you do something will grab you, and then get up in the morning to find nothing unusual about your room, that is known as a surreal scare. The experience I underwent today, was a real scare. Home improvement stores have got to be the most intimidating out of them all. To begin with, they are so freaking HUGE. There is no feasible way to navigate around these institutions. Oh, sure you can look up at the signs and pretend you know what your doing, but really, you're stumbling around hoping you will come across the desired item. This is how I entered Lowe's this evening in quest of two pieces of tile. I was actually surprised at my intuition upon finding that the flooring section was not in the front, I headed to the back. Now, I don't know how much time you spend in home improvement stores, so I don't know if you realize there are literally a million different types of tile. I walked around four different aisles hoping that I'd see the thing I was looking for. Of course, when I did find it, I was on the first aisle I had gone down. As I stared at 15 kinds of tile, I drew a blank as to whether my dad wanted the same kind we already had, or if he wanted a new kind. And I didn't have any cell service. This was my first clue to the fact that I was in a frightening situation. So, I stood looking and picking up, and turning over too many kinds of tile. Once I had picked one out, I would find that the edge was wrong, and I would begin my search again. Going with the better safe than sorry motto, which I don't even buy into, I picked out what I thought was the same tile as we already had. The mind control had already begun to have it's affects on me. It took me a year to get back to the check out. Have I mentioned that that place is HUGE? I couldn't decide which line would be quicker, and so I simply picked one, which turned out to be the slow line. Just as I was about to set my items down, I was called over to the other check stand. They had started to try to control my reactions, and like an idiot, I fell for it, and did as I was summoned. The total cost of my purchase was only $1.96, when I thought the price on them was $3.49 each. They were trying to confuse me. And it was working. Finally, I grabbed my bag, and was told to have a good afternoon... at 6:30 in the evening. It was certainly a close call. They almost had me. I went for the exit sign, but found myself blocked off. Wow, now I feel stupid, I thought as I went back around and headed for the exit sign as another angle. But no, it was blocked off that way too. I was nearing panic. I no longer felt stupid. I felt trapped! I almost made a break and ran the wrong way through the entrance doors, but one of the conspirators was right there, and I knew he would catch me. I turned, at a lose for my life. I was going to be in this store for the rest of my life, probably mining coal in their secret underground prison. It was at this very opportune moment, that one of the conspirators took pity on me, and opened the secret portal that let me out. I made some comment about being trapped, that they thought I meant as a joke. Good thing they believed so. Other wise I might not have made it out alive.