So Many Thoughts...

Often times I am simply overwhelmed by thoughts. Other times, I am hard pressed to find one drifting in my head. The state that I am currently in is one of the former variety. I sit here, at my brand new desk that my Other of the Significant Variety built for me a few days ago, and look out an my view. This view consists of our driveway which leads behind our house to the townhouses situated there. I can also see Sierra's car. This is a view that often provides food for thought. More importantly, it gives me a breath of fresh air and glimpse of the sunny day. The air is perfect. There is a little breeze and our valley weather is at its least polluted. I have been bucking a sickness for a few days, but today seems better after several hours.

This is a day of significance. August 18th, my roommates birthday, my 6th month anniversary with Chris, a day that my brother is taking his youth group to have worship time with another group. I feel as though something earth shattering will happen today... More likely we will just celebrate my roomies birthday in style. Hawaiian cuisine is on the menu and I am so excited for it! Hopefully we can bribe a few Hawaiians to come with us to complete the experience.

As I sit here writing out my random thoughts, I feel like a professional. It has been a long time since I have had a designated work space and it does wonders for the old thinker. There is something about that designated space, that is piled up with all the junk you are working on right now: the 7 random books that are making little progress on completion, an unfinished piece of plywood, my old speakers, smelly stuff, sharpies, Filmore action figure, electric razor, 3 hole punch, roll of toilet paper, laser tag scores waiting to be framed, camera, Reader's Digest, favorite mug, bible, journal, Goodwill certificate, checkbook... These are just a few of things I am working on. The space is a little messy, but it is the space designated to be messy and so I have no complaints. The rest of my room is spotless and that is what really counts. Regardless, I am writing, and if it inspires me to do so, it has done its job.

This is a crazy time for most college students, being one of intense transition. I personally have been juggling job and school scheduling without knowing half of the information that it is essential for me to know to figure this out. I was forced to a conclusion yesterday, and here it is: Sometimes, all you can do is trust that God has a plan and go with the flow. This is not something I normally do well, being a planner. I like to know what I'm doing not next summer, but the summer following for work and vacation plans. Though my life plan does change often, I always have one. And when life gets in the way of my life plan, I sometimes get frustrated with the now that is interfering with my later. So I'm trying something different, cause I'm game for that as well. I find myself to be an odd mixture of the two, being a definite planner, but also being definitely game for many different things. Perhaps I force myself to be game so that the other isn't allowed to take over completely. Even now, as I sort through so many thoughts, I have so many others that will not make it onto this page, because you will find no enjoyment from it, but will continue to swim furiously, or rather drown actively, in different areas of my head all day. Good thing I am a lifeguard, and a list maker, otherwise the thoughts might drown for good.

I am starting a new job soon, though it will not make enough to cover all my expenses. You may ask, why would you work at a job that won't pay for everything? Because it is one of those jobs that will provide experience for the later and has little to do with the now. Of course, I will love the experience now, but the experience is for later, so that someday I can make a decent living doing what I am doing for very little money now. The money actually isn't terrible, I believe it will be a little over $10 an hour. But the hours are slim. Still I am thankful for the opportunity, even though I will have to work Saturdays. On some level, I feel like an impostor and that somehow I lied about my experience... Even though I didn't! I just feel nervous entering a new environment with very little direction as it will be a good deal of responsibility. But again, God has a plan for this too and will enable me to do what I have to do. Good thing too... I am not in the mood to drown in my thoughts or my new job.